today I begin writing my story, for you to get to know me better. And because I am currently experiencing a very exciting new adventure, this is where my writing journey starts.
I am given the opportunity to go back home to City #2 to create and manifest a new life for me and my future family. Here’s the background story: there’s a huge apartment in City #2 (I would say it’s Victorian-style) that belongs to my grandmother (my maternal mother). I was born in City #1, but grew up in City #2.
When it comes to my heart, my home always was and always will be in City #2.
I love the numerology here! In 2004, after 14 yrs lived in City #2, we moved (my mama and I) back in City #1 where I was born. Now, after another 14 yrs, I am going back home to City #2. The story here is simple, (I guess): my grandmother was attached to all of her material possessions her entire life and she has never considered selling the apartment in order to buy two smaller apartments (one for her, and one for us). So she has been living alone in that gigantic apartment since the age of 50, while we lived in rental apartments, moving around here and there.
In the past couple of years, her body weakened and she fell a couple of times inside the house and she got scared. I think she had to fell – to understand and accept the fact that she needed help. It was about time she understood she could no longer live alone. So she chose a place where she wanted to go, and she is now living in a monastery where the nuns are taking care of her. She left her apartment and moved into the monastery in December 2016, and the apartment has been empty ever since.
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A year ago, we tried (my mama and I) to talk some sense into her (so she would let us sell the place) because: she was now living with the nuns, we were still living in a rented flat, and the apartment was just being there empty, falling more and more apart, as the years went by. But she was still not ready to make a decision.
I can’t even remember the exact moment (I can’t pinpoint the day) when she slowly began to change her thoughts towards accepting this new reality. It must have been sometime around last summer when it finally happened. She said that she will allow us to go there and clean up the place, and she even talked about selling it one day. So by autumn, mama has already traveled for the first time to check things up in City #2.
Over the winter we were unable to travel to and live in City #2, because during the cold season the apartment is unable to stay warm inside. So we decided to postpone another travel until March 2018.
I was in City #2 in March to start this new journey, and it feels so insane at times! I have been given visions about this apartment and I saw events that will take place inside of it in the near future. I have also received proof repeatedly, in multiple situations, and from different people – proof that my path is taking me back to City #2 and straight into that apartment!
This is my journey now, to empty and declutter this apartment of more than 40 yrs of accumulation and storage. At this point, I already know we won’t be selling the place anymore. I fell in love with it and I want to build a life for myself there. My grandmother will be very happy to find out we are not selling. (But until taking this decision, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep it, or sell it… I didn’t quite understand what I was supposed to do with it… Back in March I was still very confused about this whole thing.)
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My grandmother is not a textbook hoarder, but she comes close to the concept. I see her as the victim of a very difficult and rough childhood lived through war and deprivation, alongside a very cold and narcissistic mother. I am not in any way trying to find excuses for her behavior, I am just trying to understand where she’s coming from. I am trying to see this situation from her perspective too.
She lived as a cold bitter woman herself, judging and gossiping everyone around her. No real human connections, no real authentic love. So, all she was left with were her possessions: things she would have control over. In my opinion, her entire generation lived a tragedy; a painful look back into this country’s history.
I won’t be cleaning just the apartment; I am also healing the Spirits in the house. Generations of women who have lived in this house are now being called to set themselves free. I feel as if I am bringing Light into this house, for her to heal herself in her own time, and to get ready for what it’s to come for the both of us in the future.
I feel such a strong connection with this house and her spirit talked to me while I was visiting in March. The Feng Shui there is also very good for me now, for this new chapter in my life. I can grow my blog there and I am being supported to shine and put my work out in the world.
It’s so beautiful, my friends – this journey, all the karma we worked with in order to receive the opportunity to renovate this apartment. It felt like hell at times (I won’t lie!), and we thought she’ll never allow us to live there, but the time has come.
I am still living in duality these days, as feelings come and go. I am grateful and happy for this time of my life, but sometimes anger comes creeping back in – anger for all the years I’ve lost because of her attachment. This is the human in me still struggling.
And then, the Soul in me steps in and reminds me that:
We (my mama and I) lost nothing and nothing was wrong. Everything was just the way it was supposed to be, for us to Learn, Grow, and Heal; and for me to become the Woman I am today. It is now happening because Now is the Time. I am ready in the now, and my Soul-body is now in alignment with my Human-body.
We lost nothing, dear ones. In the bigger picture nothing was lost, only gained.
I am now back in City #1 and I will soon be going back to City #2. This is how my life will look like between March and October (maybe November also): 3 weeks I will be in City #2 and 3 weeks in City #1. I need this time in City #2 to take care of things there: to sell the furniture, donate stuff, throw out things, and restore the Spirit of the apartment.
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What’s so interesting is that I’ve always said about myself that I am a world traveler, but never had any money to actually travel. This chance is fantastic for me now, as I have the opportunity to travel (well, not the world, but still) and I realized that I made this happen for myself. I am giving myself a reason to travel and that in itself is amazing! I also have to come back to City #1 from time to time, because all my stuff is still here and my props for the blog are here too.
I work well with lists and plans, so the plan now looks like this: while in City #2, I write and take pictures, and while living in City #1, I create recipes and publish new foodie posts on the blog. :) I absolutely love this new life that is unfolding for me now! I also remember to be Grateful, feel Blessed, and to share this incredible journey with you, as I was so guided to create this blog. 🙏💜
Many blessings to you, dear readers! 😍